The
Fountain of Youth, Jagermeister
By
George Brozowski
Jagermeister,
the very name itself haunts the recessed and dusty darkened
cellars of my mind. It lurks there behind doors permanently
slammed shut decades ago and held tight by rusting locks and
smoldering psychosis. False, evil, vile hurtful and hateful
rumors abound about me and my old friend propagated by those
I may have slighted, possibly wronged and even unintentionally
harmed. I repeat that they are surely just rumors and more
than likely lies as I have no recollection of most of the
accusations and cannot verify many of the alleged atrocities
with the few people who are still talking to me.
My
friendship with Jagermeister started the
day I turned 21 and, to the best of my knowledge ended the
day I turned 30 in one final blaze of glory. Does anyone over
the age of 29 actually drink this stuff anymore? Jagermeister
seems to be a fountain for the young to drink from and a fountain
of youth for those that seek to return to their glory days.
As I indicate it's been a while so I guess it might be time
to take my more mature palate and what's left of my brain
and liver and open this bottle and visit with my old friend
once again.
The
green bottle with the red, white and green label beckons as
it always did, friendly and familiar. The menacing stag with
the glowing cross above his head still a dire and ominous
warning of things that might go bump in the night. Actually,
it's way more friendly and holier than thou! Jagermeister
actually means hunt master or gameskeeper hence the deer.
The cross is in deference to the patron saints of hunters;
St. Hubertus and St. Eustace. Many mornings, after all nighters
engaged in lively debate with both St. Hubertus and St. Eustace,
(who by the way cheats at solitaire) I would gaze half-blindly
upon the bottle convinced that all the German words that danced
around the label were some form of evil gypsy curse or dire
ominous warning. Even though today I still have no idea what
they mean, in the light of a clear and sober day, I'm certain
they don't refer to Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds, werewolves
or bloodletting.
Jägermeister's
ingredients of 56 herbs, fruits, roots, citrus peel, licorice,
anise, poppy seeds, saffron, ginger, juniper berries, ginseng,
radioactive nuclear waste and God only knows what the hell
else they cram in there on top of all that certainly must
have Colonel Sanders rolling in his grave since he only used
12 herbs and spices for his recipe. And unlike vodka that
distills one ingredient until there is no taste, color or
odor, this stuff goes completely in the other direction.
Versatile thing that it is, Jagermeister
at 70 proof is also an aperitif and a digestif. An apéritif
is a liquor served before a meal to stimulate the appetite,
while a digestif is served at the end of a meal to aid digestion.
It seems a crying shame to let food interfere in the middle
of all that stimulation. It is also a potent social lubricant
which reminds me of a story I'll have to share with you after
I'm dead and buried. In a pinch it can be used to substitute
for 10/40 oil in your car.
It
gives nose like no other fermented or distilled product on
this planet. Depending on its mood, temperature and ambience
combined with your state of mind or lack thereof you can get
56 different takes on this and if you're really lucky a whiff
of fried chicken. I certainly perceived the anise, ginger
and juniper. As it sat it in the glass it changed, like an
olfactory chameleon, surprising me each time I picked it up.
I know that no one under the age of 30 has ever smelled this
stuff because they are too quick to slam it frozen down their
throats. However, some day after your 30th birthday, you will
have to try and slow down a bit and stop and smell the Jager.
It
tastes much like it smells changing with the temperature and
humidity and your attitude. It's warm and thick in the mouth
with anise singing the lead and a chorus of other flavors
backing it up.
It's
surprisingly smooth and gentle with no sting or tingle and
lays docile upon the tongue like a warm blanket on a frosty
night in anticipation of the bogeyman striking from underneath
the bed.
BEWARE
because 56 herbs and spices and 70 proof alcohol, a handful
of shots, a rampaging stag, two saints, a gypsy curse and
a full moon will take control of you and drive you into the
night howling wildly and madly and delighting in the moment
and not caring what tomorrow will bring.
BEWARE
tomorrow can be a vicious bitch.
For
more Rants & Raves click
here.
Try
these
Jägermeister Recipes:
Roasted
Turkey with Fresh Herbs
Soufflé
The
Saint Hubert