The
Honey Bear
By
George Brozowski
What
idiot came up with the old proverb, "You catch more flies
with honey than vinegar"? Wouldn't you want to kill flies
rather than catch them? Why would anyone waste good sweet
honey on such a stupid endeavor when everyone in their right
mind knows you use honey to trap bears? Well, at least back
in 15th century Prussia that's what you did with your honey
besides eat it. And of course, there's way more to it than
that.
I
guess the next question that might logically follow would
be, "What in the hell is this idiot talking about?"
Well, I'm talking about Barenjager Honey Liqueur. Turns out
this stuff was first concocted back in the 15th century in
Prussia by the Teucke & Koenig Bear Trap Company. Well,
these folks made the finest bear traps money could buy back
then but the problem was getting that pesky, mean spirited
and uncooperative bear to step into that fine trap. Turns
out that bears really, really like honey and can smell it
from miles away and are drawn to it, like well, flies to honey.
Bear
trapping was one mighty dangerous occupation back then because
guns hadn't been invented yet and the Chinese were still reluctant
to share gunpowder with anyone much less honey stealing, bear
killing Prussians who didn't speak Mandarin. The precarious
nature of this endeavor along with long lonely days and night
minding the trap in anticipation of a fight to the death with
a pissed off bear really required either nerves of steel or
nerves dulled with alcohol. Well, the wiley folks back at
the Bear Trap Company figured that they could double or triple
their profits if they made their bait more versatile and more
desirable to both the bears and the bear trappers. They messed
around with different ingredients until they finally came
up with something they figured would appeal to the four legged
animals as much as the two legged ones. It was called Mesohkinnes
and was a mead like moonshine made from honey. Needless to
say the bears really liked it because it dulled the pain from
the traps and the hunters really liked it too as it dulled
the pain and anxiety of their job. Sure enough, profits quickly
tripled because the hunters began drinking the stuff even
when they weren't hunting.
Bärenjäger
means "bear hunter." Bärenfang, another word
used with this liqueur means "bear trap" and a Bärfingbag
is what you'll need if you drink too much of this stuff in
one sitting. Today, this honey liqueur is based on vodka and
70 proof. They use the finest honey from Mexico's Yucatan
Peninsula. Bärenjäger is always made with honey
from nectar because honey from honeydew may have a bitter
aftertaste as any married man who's ever been given a honey
do list will attest to.
The
bottle simply screams honey. Honey colored woven straw wraps
the bottle which is topped off by a plastic bee hive cap.
The mostly yellow label shows a bear next to a bee hive with
a drunken hunter stumbling through the nearby bushes.
WOW,
opening the bottle I could immediately discern the distinct
aroma of honey. This wasn't some chemical, artificial odor
but honest to goodness honey, exactly the same as you would
smell opening that familiar, small plastic honey bear in your
kitchen that contains pure honey that you bought at your supermarket.
It also had the thick smell of the honeycomb. In the glass
the intensity of the aroma pulled back to reveal a touch of
alcohol and the liquid was thick and golden, again reminiscent
of its origins. It was thick and syrupy on the tongue and
tasted exactly like honey. The finish was smooth and, of course,
honey sweet with a bit of alcohol tingle. It's no wonder the
bears and the trappers loved this stuff. I certainly wouldn't
sit around sipping this stuff straight, because it's just
too sweet, unless I found myself in a cold dark, dank forest
freaked out of my mind as grunting bears circled in ever closer
and closer. I tried some with hot tea and it elevated Earl
Grey to a much closer friend. One morning after unsuccessfully
trapping bears all night I poured it on a stack of pancakes
and ate that along with a handful of bacon - yum. I most highly
recommend the Killer Bee (recipe below) if you're in your
20's and bored with straight Jagermeister.
Those
wiley Prussians really knew their bears and came up with some
proverbs that still ring true even today. "Only chained
bears dance." This of course has numerous real life applications
especially in today's modern world. "Two bears don't
live in one cave." That could very well apply to most
couples today. And of course the ever popular "Who divides
honey with the bear, will likely get the lesser share,"
as one half of all divorcing couples will surely attest to.
In
conclusion, I must concur with the insider insights provided
by Suzie Schwartze and Sammy Schlichte one night after we
successfully trapped several bears in downtown LA. Well, we
had certainly gone through enough bottles of bear bait to
have trapped several bears and whether we actually did or
not still seems to be a bone of contention however their words
still ring true:
"Bärenjäger,
der traditionsreiche ostpreußische Bärenfang mit
35% vol., wird noch heute nach überlieferter ostpreußischer
Rezeptur hergestellt. Dafür wird nur bester Honig aus
der mexikanischen Halbwüsten-Provinz Yucatan verwendet,
der für sein besonders kräftiges Aroma bekannt ist.
Er wird nach einem aufwändigen Produktionsverfahren hergestellt,
mit hochprozentigem Alkohol vermischt und zur Klärung
und Aromaverstärkung mehrere Monate in Tanks gelagert.
Bärenjäger enthält nur natürliche Zutaten,
es werden keine Aromazusätze verwandt. Bärenjäger
genießt man pur, über Eis-Dessert oder gemixt in
heißem Tee, als Honig-Grog oder mit Milch."
Really,
couldn't have said it any better myself. Try these out if
you dare!
Honey
Dew-Me
Ingredients:
1 oz. Barenjager
1 oz. melon liqueur
pineapple juice to taste.
Killer
Bee
Ingredients:
1/2 Shot Jagermeister
1/2 Shot of Barenjager.
For
more Rants & Raves click
here.
More
Bärenjäger Honey Liqueur Recipes:
El
Oso
Planked
Salmon
Vanilla
Bean & Honey Créme Brüleé
(infused with Lavender)