By
George Brozowski
Tequila
causes global warming, no seriously. I was downing a few tequilas
with my old friend Al Gore last night at Harry's Bar (the
one in Venice, no, not California) and listening to him rant
on about how he should have been President instead of George
Bush and how he unfairly lost the election because of a few
hanging chads and green really wasn't his favorite color and
how he got that whole stupid global warming thing wrong when
the truth hit me squarely in the face. If nothing else, he
was actually right about that whole stupid global warming
thing.
All
along everyone kept blaming molted penguin feathers and accumulated
polar bear and penguin poop for causing the hole in the ozone
above the Arctic. Even Al bought into it and made a movie
about it and even though people ignored his call to club all
penguins to death to close the hole, he became the loudest
advocate and the International mouthpiece of the Arctic ozone
stratospheric hole theory. People bought his book and went
to his movie and he won the Nobel Peace Prize for his climate
change work. And then, much to his chagrin, he learned the
truth of it all.
Turns
out that the Agave cactus is the culprit and the hole actually
hovers over Mexico and not the North Pole. "Holy hole
theory Al" I cried out when he made that statement. "How
did this epiphany occur?" I inquired. He took another
sip of his Camarena Tequila on the rocks,
smiled his approval of the drink and responded, "It's
all very elementary my dear boy" in his best attempt
at a horrible imitation of Sherlock Holmes.
We
ordered another round and his story slowly unfolded. Al was
visiting his friends at NASA in California when they took
him aside and said they had something truly amazing to share
with him. They felt he should be the first one to see this
and more than likely the one to break the news to the entire
world. He smiled and asked them if they had captured a Martian
and they said it was even bigger than that and could negatively
impact his Nobel Prize. That got his undivided attention and
immediately wiped the smile clean off his face.
They
ushered him into a small room, sat him down and bolted the
door and turned off the light and fired up a projector. The
first slide was a view of the Arctic as taken by a highly
classified satellite with a new top secret high definition
system and super lens. Everything looked normal, in fact quite
serene and beautiful, nothing seemed amiss. The scientist
told Al to brace himself for the next slide. It was a shot
taken from the same satellite at the same altitude but over
Jalisco State in Mexico. "My hole" Al shouted as
he bolted straight up shooting his chair back across the room
with his butt. "What in the hell is my hole doing over
Mexico?"
The
scientist explained that further investigation into the ozone
hole refuted all evidence of it ever having been over the
Arctic. The equipment used to arrive at that prior determination
simply wasn't as sophisticated as the apparatus used just
recently and the data previously procured was flawed and so
the conclusions were, to put it mildly, erroneous. The ozone
hole had actually been hovering over Mexico the whole time.
Al
was beside himself. He envisioned his whole life and reputation
crumbling in front of his tightly clenched eyes. He was in
a panic. He needed a drink to calm himself down. "I need
a drink" he uttered through grinding teeth as he retrieved
his chair and slumped down into it in a heap. They knew what
he needed. They brought him a bottle of Camarena Tequila,
a glass and some ice. He poured himself a stiff one and downed
it all in one gulp. A sad little smile came to him. "How
did that ozone hole get there, there aren't any God Damn penguins
in Mexico, are there?"
The
scientist poured himself a drink and sat down next to Al.
"Hey, this stuff's not bad" he stated. Al silently
nodded in agreement. The scientist continued his tale. When
the ozone hole was first discovered over Jalisco, centered
on the town of Tequila, scientists and botanists were dispatched
to investigate. They very quickly discovered that the red
volcanic soil and the high seasonal temperatures and the 1.2
million acres of land in and around Jalisco planted in blue
agave cactus that produces an annual harvest of over 300 million
plants, was the culprit. It turns out the cactus, as it grows
under those conditions, gives of a previously undetectable
gas, much like that Arctic penguin poop, but much stronger
and that caused the ozone hole.
Al
felt like he was going to throw up. He was totally okay with
slaughtering the penguins but the thought of eradicating all
the blue agave to close the ozone hole would mean the end
of Tequila, his favorite drink. "Who knows about this?"
He inquired. "Just a handful of scientists and you and
I" was the immediate response. They hadn't wanted to
go public about this until they had spoken to Al. After all,
Al was the father of the hole and the inventor of the Internet!
They
both downed another glass and just stared at each other silently.
Al broke the silence asking, "How long do we have before
this hole destroys the earth?" "Could be hundreds
maybe thousands of years", the scientist stated, "We
just can't be sure".
Al
jumped up again repeating his butt pushing chair maneuver
and screamed, "Screw It! A thousand years without Tequila
is life not worth living and a planet not worth saving".
He insisted that the data be destroyed and everyone sworn
to secrecy under penalty of death. He especially insisted
that the Nobel committee not be told as he had no intention
of returning his peace prize. And that's how Al Gore not only
saved Tequila but became the Godfather of Tequila.
I'm
certain that Camarena Silver Tequila has
inspired many a song and many a wild tale as well as a few
memorable weekends. It has a rich yet mellow agave inspired
nose that is smooth without the fiery ethanol front end. There
are slight citrus and faint floral notes and even a hint of
vanilla. Straight up it wraps around the tongue like a soft
fur coat and has a pleasant mouth feel. It's mostly agave
in the mouth with a peppery finish. It's almost a sipping
Tequila but it really shines and opens up and releases its
essence on a little ice, just the way Al and I prefer it.
Then it becomes a delightful sipper. It's wonderful as a mixer
and retains its flavor profile among other ingredients.
Camarena
Silver Tequila at around $15.00 to $20.00 per 750ml
bottle is a good price for a good Tequila. Obviously, it is
not a super premium Tequila and it is also not a cheap Tequila.
Its mid level price point is perfect for an upper mid-level
Tequila and it is certainly much better than hundreds of other
Tequilas at or below this price. As a matter of fact there
are a number of Tequilas out there at twice this price that
are not as good. Get a bottle, pour a drink and toast Al Gore
for keeping us all in Tequila.
For
more Rants & Raves click
here.
www.tequilacamarena.com